This is little Johnny, he’s eight years old. He’s a god-fearing American citizen who just happens to have no arms or legs or nose or penis, but he can’t afford insurance so the ambulance has just dumped him by a refuse container on this fine American street and the ambulance driver (who’s a patriot) is now going to urinate on him and then defecate on him. This is a bad thing.
I couldn’t allow this to happen so I’ve personally and anonymously used all my own money to fly him over to Cuba, home of the bearded demon Castro, where they have agreed to nurse him back to health and not charge him a penny. In fact, they are going to give him cash back, hundreds of thousands of dollars, stacks of freshly printed notes, and also an unlimited supply of candy and jello….
Mmnn, perhaps Cuba, land of Satan, our sworn enemy and destroyer of freedom, is not so bad after all; and perhaps America, land of the free, the land of opportunity, and defender of all that is good and proper; is not such a nice place… It’s just a thought folks. America is still the greatest country in the world, even though it dumps its sick and infirm next to refuse containers and then urinates and defecates on them. And Cuba is still run by the bearded demon Castro. If only we could love our enemies. If only I were Jesus and not some well-meaning but condescending overweight American in a badly fitting baseball cap.